chapter 5: make your words count

James 1:19: “So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath; for the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God.” (emphasis mine)

“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.”
It’s simply not true. Many of us would far prefer to be hurt physically than hear someone else’s hurtful words directed toward us.

When I went to church camp as an elementary school kid, I was running too fast and fell down a wooden, jagged set of stairs. I busted my chin and bloodied my knee. I am sure it hurt badly at the time. I have tiny, flesh-colored scars on my knee and chin that remind me of what happened. The scars no longer hurt, though, and I’ve long since forgotten the feeling of physical pain when I fell.

I do remember, though, hurtful words people have said to me through the years. And I’m confident I have said things that have caused pain that lingers at times because I didn’t bite my own tongue.  

One of my favorite songs in the song book is “Angry Words,” written by Horatio R. Palmer in 1867. The verses’ lyrics follow:

“Angry words, oh, let them never
From the tongue unbridled slip;
May the heart’s best impulse ever
Check them ere they soil the lip.

Love is much too pure and holy,
Friendship is too sacred far,
For a moment’s reckless folly
Thus to desolate and mar.

Angry words are lightly spoken,
Bitt’rest thoughts are rashly stirred,
Brightest links of life are broken
By a single angry word.”

Have you ever stopped to consider that a single idle word has so much power? Stop to read Matthew 12:36-37.

“36 But I say to you that for every idle word men may speak, they will give account of it in the day of judgment. 37 For by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned.”

What does “idle” mean? In the original text, this word meant lazy, thoughtless, or useless. Is what is coming out of your mouth purposeful? Or are you simply saying whatever pops to the top of your head?

Verse 37 can be comforting or scary. If you’re purposeful with your word choices, and take your time to choose your words appropriately, you can feel comfort in Jesus’ words. If, however, you make a habit of using idle words, know that you will give an account for the words you’ve said. 

Have you ever been guilty of saying something like, “That’s just who I am - like it or leave it.” Or saying, “I just tell it like it is.” If so, consider if that’s what God has asked of us, or if you’re simply speaking idle words meant to glorify you and not your Father. God has never accepted that version of us. He’s always asked us to mold ourselves into His image, not for us to ask Him to accept whatever version of ourselves we’d like to present to Him.

Proverbs 10:19 – “In the multitude of words sin is not lacking, But he who restrains his lips is wise.”

James 3:2 – “If anyone does not stumble in word, he is a perfect man, able also to bridle the whole body.”

All of us will make mistakes – “stumble” – in how we speak. None of us is “perfect.” Our goal, though, is to work daily to bridle our mouths and, in doing so, bridle our bodies.

It’s also possible, of course, that what we say is simply misunderstood. Check this quick link on “linguistic quirks” that can make even people who both speak English feel like they’re not speaking the same language.

Before you become frustrated with someone or make a judgment about what someone has said, it’s always important to ask questions and confirm understanding. 

James 1:19 says “slow” to speak, not don’t speak at all. So when should we speak up?

If I see someone in sin, I have an obligation to speak up.
Stop and read the verses below. What other verses can you find that express similar thoughts?
Galatians 6:1
Matthew 18:15

If I see someone who needs encouragement, I have an obligation to speak up.
Stop and read the verses below. What other verses can you find that express similar thoughts?
Romans 15:2
Hebrews 10:24-25

What can I say?
How can I say it?

In love, with conviction, with confidence

Be honest -
Ephesians 4:25: “…‘Let each one of you speak truth with his neighbor,’ for we are members of one another.”

Note that the verse says “each of you.” This is a reminder that speaking up is an individual responsibility. I cannot leave this up to the preacher, the elders, another sister, or a brother. It is my job to speak up when I see a need. And I should always have my eyes open, looking for the needs around me.

WHAT ARE THREE SPECIFIC WAYS YOU CAN ENCOURAGE OTHERS THIS WEEK WITH YOUR WORDS?

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Have you read about Apollos recently?

Acts 18:24-28: “24Now a certain Jew named Apollos, born at Alexandria, an eloquent man and mighty in the Scriptures, came to Ephesus, 25This man had been instructed in the way of the Lord, and being fervent in spirit, he spoke and taught accurately the things of the Lord, though he knew only the baptism of John. 26So he began to speak boldly in the synagogue. When Aquila and Priscilla heard him, they took him aside and explained to him the way of God more accurately. 27And when he desired to cross to Achaia, the brethren wrote, exhorting the disciples to receive him; and when he arrived, he greatly helped those who had believed through grace; 28for he vigorously refuted the Jews publicly, showing from the Scriptures that Jesus is the Christ.”

Apollos is an example of someone who boldly proclaimed Jesus (verse 26) and had speaking ability – eloquence (verse 24) – that likely drew people to listen. He was also “mighty in the Scriptures” (verse 24) and an accurate teacher (verse 25), despite not having complete knowledge (verse 25).

Have you ever met someone like this? Someone you – or others – were naturally drawn to because of their ability to speak well and their genuine desire to teach others God’s word? Do you have people you work with, go to school with, or even people in your family who love to talk to you about the Bible and often speak about it more eloquently than you can? Have you considered that God wants you to be a Priscilla? Have you considered that the person who’s speaking to you so often about Bible things could go on to do great things for the church?

1 Corinthians 3:6 – “I planted, Apollos watered, but God gave the increase.”

Who is God waiting for you to be bold enough to reach out to? God used Aquila and Priscilla to teach Apollos more perfectly. And when they did, look at his reaction. We see nothing in Scripture to indicate that he became upset or angry or that he stopped talking to them. Instead, we see a zealous man who eagerly used this new information to go about teaching others. Paul, through God, used Apollos. Who can God use through you?

WHO ARE THREE PEOPLE YOU WILL WORK TO HAVE A BIBLE CONVERSATION WITH THIS WEEK?

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When I start having conversations, I can expect more conversations. Am I ready always to give an answer to those who ask me about what I believe and why I believe it? If not, why not? What am I doing to get ready?

1 Peter 3:15: “But sanctify the Lord God in your hearts, and always be ready to give a defense to everyone who asks you a reason for the hope that is in you, with meekness and fear”

The verse in 1 Peter doesn’t say I need to know every Bible answer to start a Bible conversation. The reason many people never start a Bible conversation is fear of what might be asked. It’s ok if someone asks you a tough question (something you haven’t studied in a while or aren’t sure about) to say you’d like to study more about it and suggest another time to meet again. And if the question isn’t critical to salvation, it’s also ok to steer the conversation back to more important information. Just don’t let your fear of not knowing everything prevent you from having conversations about anything.